Men in their 30s are running around like children, sabotaging relationships and their lives without obligation or thought of consequence. Why?
About the author:
I am a woman in her 30s living in an exciting and lively urban area. I am successful, intelligent, fiercely independent, hard working, beautiful (by my own standards when I’m not PMSing), and multifaceted. I have a wonderful career, worked hard to pursue and complete graduate level education, and I am sane and stable (subjectively). I play various musical instruments, have an array of interesting and active hobbies, have loyal and loving friends and family, and my charm and wit entertain myself and others to no end. I am a catch. Not to mention, severely humble.
Despite all of my offerings, I cannot stop finding myself in the same rut of meeting men who are non-committal, emotionally unavailable, irresponsible on a 12-year-old level, and wandering through life lost and unaccountable for their actions. Moreover, I cannot stop finding myself meeting and talking to women who are also falling victims to this social epidemic. I meet women who are stunning on the inside and out, ambitious, independent, creative, talented, hard-working, and so forth. They are catches. And the presence of a real man evades their lives.
Why are women having a hard time meeting a good man?
After having so many conversations, repetitive and exasperating, I decided it was time to do some research. I furiously began to search for articles, books, and blogs hoping to dissect this phenomenon and how to deal with it. Surely, wikiHow would have a 12 step article on how to meet a nice guy (with pictures, of course). Rather than pay attention to the demanding and contradictory articles on wikiHow, other than for a good laugh, I was drawn more so to psychologically based articles about a syndrome that had actually been termed and was being examined. In fact, this term was even being used to victimize these men and deem them sufferers of this disorder. Seriously?
The Peter Pan Syndrome: What is it?
The Peter Pan Syndrome has its origins in work done by psychologist Carl Jung and was mainstreamed by author Dr. Dan Kiley (1912-1996). For more information on its origins you can read the Wikipedia article or you can buy Dan Kiley’s book.
Basically, it is a term that is given to men who do not grow up in one way, another, or all ways; however, they want all the benefits and accommodations of being an adult: love, relationships, success, money, friends, and a generally happy life. Instead of working for and deserving these elements of life, they want Tinkerbell to come spread her magic fairy dust around them and make it happen for them. I am paraphrasing here, but you get the jist. Poof! Magic! Here’s your happy, unearned life.
Dr. Dan Kiley victimizes those with the Peter Pan Syndrome, and he also gives notice to those who must deal with these
men grown children. Empaths discuss the damage these males have sustained in their lives and how we must nurture them into being men. Other articles have urged women to take notice of these males and to stay away from them. I say we need to shine a bright, encompassing light on them and provide a full-length mirror in which they can take a cold, hard look at themselves.
Why is Peter Pan Syndrome as a dating epidemic a problem? Because:
- Women who are deserving are being mistreated and (once again!) forced into subjugated roles by this male archetype.
- Societal expectations of how women should function in relationships are incredibly high and, contradictory, put no responsibility on men.
- Our generation is suffering from high divorce rates, unemployment rates, and exorbitant taxes that are being driven up by irresponsible adults who cost our system rather than contribute to it.
- People who do not fulfill adult roles at some point in time in their lives become a drain on society and its resources.
- We need admirable men for our children, economy, and society.
- Women are working too hard for what they want while men just run around like entitled infants, literally and figuratively screwing all their opportunities away only to have them return and granted to them again.
- Women and society are accepting this standard and nothing is changing, thus perpetuating a never-ending cycle of Peter Pans running around and, God forbid, reproducing.
- It’s bull shit. Period.
What I would like to accomplish with this blog?
I want to bring a harsh light to this supposed “syndrome”. I want to discuss it with the anger and disappointment that I have heard from so many women and have felt myself. I will share stories of various traits and scenarios played out by these men and why it is a load of crap. I will more than likely vent, rant, and rave, in order to express the feelings that myself and others have experienced. I will do all of this for one bottom line reason: I want to create change.
Following, you will find blogs with titles that describe these males or the scenarios encountered while dating them (whether experienced by myself or through stories shared by others) and me ripping these actions apart without prudence or discretion.
In the following posts, you will find titles such as: The “I’m in my 30s and am emotionally unavailable”, The “I’m in my 30s and have never done my own laundry”, The “I’m in my 30s and am working a part-time, minimum wage job so I can be in three bands”, The “I’m in my 30s and let my girlfriend pay for everything”, The “I need a mommy”, The “cheater”, The “liar”, and many more compelling and relative titles. Please stay tuned.
If you are a man and you are reading this thinking, “What about all the good men?”, then I believe you should be a follower of this blog and continue the discussion of its content. It will only help to give value to your type.
If you are reading this thinking, “Oh my goodness! I know these idiots. I have dated these morons. I hate them”. Please, keep reading and feel free to contribute your own stories.
If you are reading this thinking, “Dude. This bitch is a crazy man hater. She’s a psycho, bro”, as you swipe through Tinder while your girlfriend is sleeping and your mom is texting you to remind you to pay your cell phone bill, then print out the transcripts of this blog and tape them to your wall then bang your head against it until you fall unconscious to the floor. Shame on you.
Let’s all hold hands together as we begin to escape Pan…