Peter Pan and the Cheating Man

The need for Pans to inflate their egos generally leads to one or more forms of infidelity and feelings of betrayal suffered by their partners. Why do these males cheat and how you can notice the signs and walk run away?

Why do Peter Pan males cheat?

1. Self-esteem issues:

The male ego is a ridiculously fragile beast. Just as an infant cannot wipe its own ass, a Pan cannot build his own ego and esteem. Because not one person can build the Pan ego in the ways that they need, they turn to others for self-validation. Instead of working on themselves, being worthy men, and forming their lives into something they can be proud of; they seek approval for their part time jobs, unbrushed teeth, and inability to pay for your coffee.

They will take this ass-wiping from any and all women with a damp and ready cloth. Unfortunately, it will never be enough and their asses will always feel dirty and they will always feel empty inside.

2. Narcissism:

These men have grandiose views of themselves. They are all important and need to make sure that they are regarded as paramount by everyone around them. Because their need to feel this way is never fulfilled, they will constantly seek victims who will ass-wipe their esteem to grand significance.

If you do not care if a Pan in his 30s is popular, has social pull, and has 2,347 friends on Facebook, he will more than likely go cheat on you with someone who does.

3. Many easily available options:

Someone once told me, “Why pay for the five-course meal when you can have the full buffet spread for free?”. Please, ladies, remember this statement when you are making yourself readily available to men and not asking them to show you how they are valuing you.

If you are not the ideal of perfection in a Pan’s mind, he will seek out that non-existant form of perfection endlessly through many mediums that are right at his fingertips (Facebook, Tinder, OKCupid, Craigslist, etc.). Why would they want to accept you and your flaws when they can find someone who better, younger, “more cool”, “more chill”, etc?

Keep in mind: You are beautiful just the way you are, and they will never end the cycle of perpetually searching for perfection because it is not real.

4. Technology:

Because we live in a day and age of technology, a disloyal and incompassionate adult can distract themselves from their “difficult” lives in one swipe or one new message.

Rather than valuing and regarding the relationships they have, they are able to swipe left and right and not think about the obligations they have to making a committed relationship function. Adult men understand relationships take effort and require tender care and work from time to time.

5. They have issues with their penis size or erectile dysfunction (ED):

Pan males will make other women suffer so they can forget. Of course he will probably resort to cheating in emotional ways and usually by way of technology. Because what ego-driven man wants to let the world know that they are ill-equipped and unable to perform?

What are some of the signs and and how can you walk away?

1. Hot and cold?

He starts of very hot and heavy with you, then he disconnects from you quickly, with no explanation, then treats you as if you are needy or clingy for wanting to understand his shift in behavior.

Solution? Leave him. He’s an asshole. Go find a man who will always make you feel beautiful, valued, and appreciated.

2. You’re crazy! You have trust issues!

When you approach him with feelings of jealousy and mistrust, and he tries to tell you that you are crazy and psycho and tries to focus on your “trust issues”.

A real man will try to get to the root of the problem with you and work through any difficult feelings you are experiencing. Pans will invalidate you in order to shut you down, make you question yourself, and make you feel like you should never bring the topic up again. They shift the focus to your own mental health and distract you from the issue at hand. Read more here and expect and entire blog on this topic soon.

Solution? Why don’t you do something real crazy and LEAVE THEM. If a man ever tries to make you feel like your feelings are not only illogical, but a sign of mental illness (and they truly are not), get away. Period.

3. How often and linked up to technology is he?

If he has a Facebook account for himself, all four of his bands, his terrible photography page, and his art, this should be a red flag. Add a Twitter, Instagram, and above necessary social media outlets, and you can guarantee to also find a dating app hidden somewhere on his phone or find the craigslist “casual encounters” in his search history.

I am not saying being linked to Social Media indicates cheating; however, if you are dating a Pan and he is on his phone every five minutes checking his 10 social media accounts instead of spending quality time with you, this is is a red flag.

Solution? The real answer here is that if you are feeling untrusting and unsure and you are dating a Pan, break up with him. Yet, if you are the type of the person who needs answers and to reassure yourself that you are making the right decision; take his phone and look all the way around and through it. That’s right, snoop through his shit. Whether you get your answers or not, realize you are with a man that makes you feel the need to search and leave him.

4. Inconsistent Erectile Dysfunction:

Some men do suffer from consistent erectile dysfunction, and I am not talking about those men. If it is inconsistent and generally happens when you notice the above behaviors occurring, this is a sign of cheating. I once dated a man who was absolutely able and the sexual attraction between us ran high. However, he had bouts of ED and they directly correlated with the times he was out and being a lying, cheating, asshole.

Solution? Once you have found out he was cheating, you can decide to take the high road and leave him and say nothing. Or you can go for a little taste of vindication and tell everyone about his ED. Everyone. Your choice. I know what my choice will be the day I become famous from this blog.

End Note:

Remember you are beautiful, and when men cheat it is never because you deserve it. Ever. Pan men cheat because they cannot “wipe their own asses” and stroke their own egos. They are so little and empty on the inside that they are constantly seeking fulfillment from others, and they think that they are so important with their 20 hour a week jobs and popular social circles. Seriously, is popularity still a thing in your 30s? Take care of yourself, your body, your mind, and run far away from a man if you ever suspect he is cheating. Do not forgive it. It is not worth it.

Men in their 30s and the Peter Pan Syndrome. What is this dating epidemic and why is it a problem?

Men in their 30s are running around like children, sabotaging relationships and their lives without obligation or thought of consequence. Why?

About the author:

I am a woman in her 30s living in an exciting and lively urban area. I am successful, intelligent, fiercely independent, hard working, beautiful (by my own standards when I’m not PMSing), and multifaceted. I have a wonderful career, worked hard to pursue and complete graduate level education, and I am sane and stable (subjectively). I play various musical instruments, have an array of interesting and active hobbies, have loyal and loving friends and family, and my charm and wit entertain myself and others to no end. I am a catch. Not to mention, severely humble.

Despite all of my offerings, I cannot stop finding myself in the same rut of meeting men who are non-committal, emotionally unavailable, irresponsible on a 12-year-old level, and wandering through life lost and unaccountable for their actions. Moreover, I cannot stop finding myself meeting and talking to women who are also falling victims to this social epidemic. I meet women who are stunning on the inside and out, ambitious, independent, creative, talented, hard-working, and so forth. They are catches. And the presence of a real man evades their lives.

Why are women having a hard time meeting a good man?

After having so many conversations, repetitive and exasperating, I decided it was time to do some research. I furiously began to search for articles, books, and blogs hoping to dissect this phenomenon and how to deal with it. Surely, wikiHow would have a 12 step article on how to meet a nice guy (with pictures, of course). Rather than pay attention to the demanding and contradictory articles on wikiHow, other than for a good laugh, I was drawn more so to psychologically based articles about a syndrome that had actually been termed and was being examined. In fact, this term was even being used to victimize these men and deem them sufferers of this disorder. Seriously?

The Peter Pan Syndrome: What is it?

The Peter Pan Syndrome has its origins in work done by psychologist Carl Jung and was mainstreamed by author Dr. Dan Kiley (1912-1996). For more information on its origins you can read the Wikipedia article or you can buy Dan Kiley’s book.

Basically, it is a term that is given to men who do not grow up in one way, another, or all ways; however, they want all the benefits and accommodations of being an adult: love, relationships, success, money, friends, and a generally happy life. Instead of working for and deserving these elements of life, they want Tinkerbell to come spread her magic fairy dust around them and make it happen for them. I am paraphrasing here, but you get the jist. Poof! Magic! Here’s your happy, unearned life.

Dr. Dan Kiley victimizes those with the Peter Pan Syndrome, and he also gives notice to those who must deal with these men grown children. Empaths discuss the damage these males have sustained in their lives and how we must nurture them into being men. Other articles have urged women to take notice of these males and to stay away from them. I say we need to shine a bright, encompassing light on them and provide a full-length mirror in which they can take a cold, hard look at themselves.

Why is Peter Pan Syndrome as a dating epidemic a problem? Because:

• Women who are deserving are being mistreated and (once again!) forced into subjugated roles by this male archetype.
• Societal expectations of how women should function in relationships are incredibly high and, contradictory, put no responsibility on men.
• Our generation is suffering from high divorce rates, unemployment rates, and exorbitant taxes that are being driven up by irresponsible adults who cost our system rather than contribute to it.
• People who do not fulfill adult roles at some point in time in their lives become a drain on society and its resources.
• We need admirable men for our children, economy, and society.
• Women are working too hard for what they want while men just run around like entitled infants, literally and figuratively screwing all their opportunities away only to have them return and granted to them again.
• Women and society are accepting this standard and nothing is changing, thus perpetuating a never-ending cycle of Peter Pans running around and, God forbid, reproducing.
• It’s bull shit. Period.

What I would like to accomplish with this blog?

I want to bring a harsh light to this supposed “syndrome”. I want to discuss it with the anger and disappointment that I have heard from so many women and have felt myself. I will share stories of various traits and scenarios played out by these men and why it is a load of crap. I will more than likely vent, rant, and rave, in order to express the feelings that myself and others have experienced. I will do all of this for one bottom line reason: I want to create change.

Following, you will find blogs with titles that describe these males or the scenarios encountered while dating them (whether experienced by myself or through stories shared by others) and me ripping these actions apart without prudence or discretion.

In the following posts, you will find titles such as: The “I’m in my 30s and am emotionally unavailable”, The “I’m in my 30s and have never done my own laundry”, The “I’m in my 30s and am working a part-time, minimum wage job so I can be in three bands”, The “I’m in my 30s and let my girlfriend pay for everything”, The “I need a mommy”, The “cheater”, The “liar”, and many more compelling and relative titles. Please stay tuned.

End note:

If you are a man and you are reading this thinking, “What about all the good men?”, then I believe you should be a follower of this blog and continue the discussion of its content. It will only help to give value to your type.

If you are reading this thinking, “Oh my goodness! I know these idiots. I have dated these morons. I hate them”. Please, keep reading and feel free to contribute your own stories.

If you are reading this thinking, “Dude. This bitch is a crazy man hater. She’s a psycho, bro”, as you swipe through Tinder while your girlfriend is sleeping and your mom is texting you to remind you to pay your cell phone bill, then print out the transcripts of this blog and tape them to your wall then bang your head against it until you fall unconscious to the floor. Shame on you.
Let’s all hold hands together as we begin to escape Pan…